At a family dinner, a disagreement started between two cousins. Voices rose. Most of us at the table looked down at our plates and stayed quiet. Later, someone said to me, “I stayed calm. I didn’t get involved.”
I kept thinking about that. Was that calmness? Or was it simply stepping away?
Two kinds of quiet
Many of us believe that being calm means staying out of things. We avoid conflict, we keep our opinions to ourselves, we let things pass. From the outside it looks peaceful.
But often, underneath, there is discomfort. We are not calm. We are only silent. We step away because we don’t want to feel the tension, or we fear saying the wrong thing.
There is another kind of calm. It is a steadiness inside us that does not get pulled into the storm, and yet does not leave the room. From that steadiness, we can still speak, still care, still take part.
Calmness and participation need each other
Participation without calmness becomes reaction. We jump in, we take sides, we add more heat to the fire.
Calmness without participation becomes withdrawal. We keep our peace, but the people around us are left alone with theirs.
When the two come together, something beautiful happens. We can be fully present in a difficult moment and still be steady. We can say, gently, “Let’s hear each other,” and that one sentence can change the whole table.
This is a sign of maturity. Not escaping life to stay peaceful, but bringing our peace into life.
What to take with you
True calm is not the absence of involvement. It is the ability to stay steady while we are involved. Our calm becomes useful only when it helps us participate better.
A small step forward
This week, notice one moment when you choose to stay quiet “to keep the peace.” Before stepping away, pause and take one slow breath. Then ask yourself: Is there one kind, steady thing I can say here? If there is, say it.
And so, one question to sit with:
Is my calm helping me show up for life, or helping me hide from it?
– Minal
I write longer letters on human becoming and essence-led living at Letters from Minal Dalal. You are warmly welcome to join me there: lettersfromminal.substack.com
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